The goal in Effortless Mindfulness (EM) and IFS parts work is to establish ourselves in Self or True Nature. For practitioners of EM and IFS, we aspire to be Self-led in our daily lives and learn to return to Self when we get triggered. And that takes a map, methods, and some practice.

When it comes to this goal, I have noticed a common pitfall among clients and students alike. Many are confused about the Self—unsure whether they’re actually rooted in it or not. And in particular, they mistake Self-like parts for Self. This is natural when we start engaging in parts work and EM. 

What Self Is Not

It can help clear up confusion to see what Self is not. Self is not created, developed or conditioned. Self is not: 

1. A part of us 
2. An observing ego
3. An altered state
4. Our imagination
5. An archetype
6. A guide
7. Subtle energy
8. A mindful witness 
9. A wise adult your age today

What Self Is

Self has been the most revered dimension of our humanity in most cultures and contemplative traditions throughout history. Self is described as a connection to something greater than my parts and who I essentially am. Self is the “I am” without being defined as “I am this or I am that.” 

The foundation of Self is felt as a presence or essential consciousness that is already effortlessly here. And Self is accessible when we learn how to unblend and return home. 

 The first step to knowing our Self is to better understand the difference between your authentic Self and Self-like parts. And to do that, it helps to know how Self-like parts appear to be Self.

So let’s clarify this issue by highlighting the five most common Self-like parts that might be preventing you from accessing your true Self.

The 5 Most Common Self-Like Parts

These are the five most common self-like parts that I’ve seen show up in my clients and students and which they’ve reported. I like to call them transitional subjects. So they’re going from the ego manager to what you think is your Self. But actually, it’s only transitional. It’s not yet your authentic Self.

1. The Smart Caretaker

This Self-like part is the most common one, and it can have many of the 8 “c” qualities. This is often a positive polarized part to the original target part we have unblended from.  Self-like parts can have what I call the “8 small c’s,” which are positive personal qualities of parts. And many therapies can do good work from Self-like parts. 

However, Self is what distinguishes IFS. When you start with Self essence, then people immediately notice the “big C” essential qualities that make a huge difference. You’ll develop a felt sense of the difference between big C compassion and little c compassion as a trail head. And we can only tell the difference by discovering what the feeling of Self actually is.

2. The Mindful Witness

This part is unblended but is a neutral and detached observer part. It’s free of being hurt or judgemental, but it lacks essential Compassion and it’s not connected to parts. The mindful witness part has a specific location as a meditative point of view. In contrast, Self is aware from all around and within, and it has essential qualities that arise as Self energy. 

3. The Spiritual Ego

This is a “know-it-all” part. This is the part of You that has done meditative practices, workshops, and read spiritual books. It goes through mental lists and imitates Self from a smart, intellectual, or spiritual protective stance.

4. The Empathetic Part

This is the part that gets mistaken for Self energy, as it feels subtle energy within your body. It tries to feel the feelings of parts and others, but from here we are merged. As a result, this part gets overwhelmed or has empathetic overload. Many highly sensitive people take on the energy of other people or parts. Compassion from Self can resonate without merging or taking on others’ emotions.

5. The Ego Manager Part That Is Reading This

This is the everyday feeling of “me”: This is the primary Self-like manager and protective part that can learn to trust enough to let go and move from leader to follower. When appreciated, this manager part becomes important to our inner family. This “mini-me” manager can semi-retire from over-working and enjoy more vacation time while helping out as needed.  

Know Thy Self

Knowing the feeling and character of Self-like parts like this in your experience is already a big step towards clearing up this confusion. It will help you begin to discriminate between Self and Self-like parts. Again, the goal here is to get more discriminating about this feeling of what is not a part and what is the Self.